#shes so fucking funny you all and i cannot stress this enough

[scilessweetheart]

teen wolf characters as my favorite @thesewordsareallihavetogive quotes

stiles stilinski: “lamoo??? am i a french cow?? what the fuck ?”

scott mccall: *holds up a box of dots candy* “here is my lunch.” *drops one* “guess she’s for the streets.”

lydia martin: “it’s actually very cruel that i can’t have a fun little boozy drink. something that’ll tranquilize a horse. something 9000% proof.”

allison argent: “i vin diesel-ed this bitch.”

derek hale: “do i endorse cocaine? no. but the vibes are there !!”

malia tate: “i feel like a human ketchup bottle”

liam dunbar: “it was the turd icing on my shit cake”

hayden romero: "by the grace of god and the ghost of whitney houston..."

isaac lahey: “one of the lessons i’ve learned over the past few years - know your place”

kira yukimura: “wait i have a tumblr post for this”

mama mccall: “limp dick meds??? oh my god viagra is only the tip (hehe) of the ice berg !”

peter hale: “it will—and i cannot emphasize this enough—rip my soul straight out from my asshole”

sheriff stilinski: “that isn’t very mitch mcconnell red state of them”

[queenerdloser]

not me buying tickets to see my local theater's production of a midsummer night's dream for the third time lmaoooo

[thistlerock]

I think it'd be really funny if Riz joined the Aguefort LGBT+ alliance mainly just because it counts as a club and he joined all of them. And he doesn't really show up often because he doesn't have time, and Kristen is currently its president so she just fills in that yeah he's here he's helping, and she vaguely clocks that he probably is queer but doesn't actually have time to think about it because so much is going on in their junior year and she vaguely knows that Riz signed up for a bunch of shit to get into college easier.

But like. A whole year later she finally asks like hey Riz that alliance is kinda a queer thing and you're welcome to hang but like idk and he just goes yeah obviously I'm queer I hate sex and love men. He doesn't say it like it's just funnier to me. And it's a whole thing. Full on spit take. "Why didn't you tell me???" "What the fuck do you mean why didn't I tell you I'm in your lgbt alliance." He's oriented aroace I think. Like he's gay (Baron's a he) but it doesn't really matter because he doesn't want to date or anything and any time he gets even close to thinking "oh that guy is attractive" his ocd brain decides to blast him with sexual intrusive thoughts and he's so repulsed by them that he fully doesn't clock the initial feeling as sexual attraction for maybe a year. Men are pretty but asexuality is stronger slash lighthearted. He openly calls himself aroace the gay thing is more something for him to privately take comfort in because exact labels make him feel like he's on top of things. But yeah that's off topic the thing I wanted to say is it's funny to me if Riz is very openly queer he just doesn't have a "proper" coming out so none of his friends know and are all shocked when he casually brings it up.

Kristen like, figured he was ace and maybe aro but just didn't know yet and didn't wanna be pushy meanwhile Riz fully owns a pride flag. Him technically liking guys does surprise her though, I think. Also he's surprised that his friends are all surprised, Riz for some reason assumed they'd all catch on eventually. "Why is this news to you I said Ragh is hot." World shattered. Horrifying. Fabian and Fig would be SO dramatic about it too. Actually Gorgug is the only one who isn't surprised because "yeah he's in the lgbt+ alliance of course he's queer I thought we all knew" he really didn't think about it that much LOL. But yeah. That's how I do Riz, I think it's funny. Love that guy. (Like I cannot stress enough how funny it is to me to not make him "no attraction, doesn't really think about sex" but instead "yes some level of attraction, thinks about sex against his will, hates it." He HAS to suffer. I am NOT letting that kid catch a break.)

[waterlilyvioletfog]

Rating Scum Villain Characters By How Much I Cheer When I See Them Depicted With Grey Hair

It goes without saying that this list is highly subjective. But it makes me happy! I have not actually seen all these characters with grey hair, i don’t think. Listed ages reflect end of book except where stated otherwise.

Mobei-jun: 2/10. Age: fuck if I know. We’ll say he’s like 39. I understand the whole ice prince aesthetic makes silver/white haired Mobei-jun attractive to some people but I personally think it’s really funny if he just looks absurdly young forever. Assigned youngest child.

Shang Qinghua: 6/10. Age: like 40 or 80 if you count his first life. Shang Qinghua’s perpetual state of total stress is one of his most defining characteristics so grey hair for this character makes sense. Also jives well with his whole sleazy uncle kind of vibe. When paired with above, it can make MBJ look like SQH’s inappropriately younger boyfriend, which is deeply funny to me. Unfortunately, the twinkification of this character in fandom limits my opportunities to experience this kind of joy.

Luo Binghe: 0/10. Age: like 25. It just feels wrong.

Shen Jiu: 8/10. Age: depends, we’ll say 40. If Shen Jiu had grey hair he would dye that shit so fucking fast. Yue Qingyuan would try to re-assure him that oh, shidi, grey hair is nothing to be ashamed about!! And Shen Jiu would be like you stupid fuck it’s clearly caused by my terrible shitty cultivation GET OFF MY FUCKING MOUNTAIN!!!!!!!! But fun fact! It is actually caused by his constant hyper-vigilance, PTSD, and meteoric stress levels. 🙏💚

Ning Yingying: 1/10. Age: also like 25. Gets 1 point for the hilarity of a character named baby ending up prematurely grey.

Ming Fan: 5/10. Age: 27-ish. This kid is so fucking stressed. Obviously this more applies post-jump, not to volume 1!Ming Fan. There is excellent potential here though for every time something happens to Shen Qingqiu, Ming Fan shows up looking greyer and more haggard.

Liu Mingyan: 0/10. Age: like 25. Idk it just doesn’t inspire me.

Sha Hualing: 1/10. Age: also like 25. I was gonna say 0/10 and then i thought about Luo Binghe-wrangling giving her grey hair and her furiously dyeing it black again and I thought it was funny. Sue me.

Gongyi Xiao: 2/10 Age: ??? Dead anyways. See, if the depiction of GYX gives him grey hair, that means he lived long enough to have grey hair 🥺

Yang Yixuan: -10/10 Age: Baby. Reason: Baby.

Tianlang-jun: 10/10. Age: I don’t fucking know, man. Lots of great reasons to give TLJ some greys. # 1, it helps distinguish him visually from Binghe. # 2, appropriate since he is an evil DILF. # 3: my guy got crushed under a mountain for like twenty years I think that entitles him to some grey hair. # 4: I think he’d be completely ridiculous about it. I am imagining him frantically denying he looks his age and demanding Zhuzhi-lang tell him he still looks pretty.

Zhuzhi-lang: 3/10. Age: ?????? On the one hand, ZZL is probably old enough and stressed enough to have grey hair. On the other other hand, his hair is typically depicted as mostly green, partially snakes, so, like, ymmv.

Su Xiyan: 6/10. Age: dead, would probably be in her 40s/50s if she were alive. Look, I cannot deny the appeal of giving some grey hair to the dead dilf mother of all time. Tianlang-jun would also, unfortunately, be staggeringly horny about it.

Mu Qingfang: 7/10. Age: 40s-ish. *Nods approvingly*

Liu Qingge: 4/10. Age: 30-45. Liu Qingge is the assigned baby of the peak lords, so giving him grey hair always feels weird to me. He would look pretty with like a cool silver streak tho. I do also see some appeal to him acquiring grey hair during the five year time skip due to the *hand waves*.

Qi Qingqi: 7/10. Age: 40s-ish. MILF.

Yue Qingyuan: 16/10. Age: 40s-ish. Makes absolutely perfect sense. This is one of the most stressed men alive. He’s very literally the assigned da-ge by the narrative. His cultivation is a total mess because of Xuan Su! Frankly, I’m surprised his hair isn’t totally white by the end of this book! because it would make sense!! within its literary and cultural context from what I know!! Also, it would work with his wardrobe.

Shen Qingqiu: 10/10. Age: 27-ish, technically, except also in his 40s, except also immortal so who really knows. Similar to YQY and TLJ, this makes sense. Shen Qingqiu’s abysmal physical health and terrible mental health are persistent throughout the text, and things like Without A Cure and the widow arc are perfect excuses for SQQ to have grey hair. It makes him look older, which is fun in SQQ’s context for a variety of reasons, including the fact that LBH would find it hot. Elegant, Beautiful, Graceful, Scholarly Qing Jing Peak Lord Shen having grey hair is a beautiful thing indeed 💚

[txttletale]

roadhogsbigbelly is doubling down. genuinely incredible (yes i am aware how deeply funny it is to start a serious post with that sentence. it is my one allotment of levity)

oh okay you just assumed that "loliporn" was involved and something that i deserved to be associated with defending and accused of making "integral to the queer identity" because of stuff that the OP (who i cannot stress enough i never followed or talked to or knew in any fucking way!) did that got called out months after i made my addition?

the rest of his post is just a very lengthy way of saying "umm if you didn't want to be called a pedophile because you were mean about stardew valley maybe you should be more careful about how you reblog from". yeah buddy im sure you apply that standard to yourself too huh. im sure you pull out your Bad Person detector every time you reblog a fucking post and beam OP with it. you literally screenshot my post about how as a trans women i get this standard uniquely applied to me and went "um its a good standard though. answer for the actions of every fucking person youve ever reblogged a post by".

and all this whole fucking schtick where he's like "ummmm im not calling you a pedophile :) i just assumed you thought 'loliporn was integral to the queer identity' based on source: i made it up and am going out of my way to repeatedly say you're agreeing with pedophiles and not being wary enough about pedophiles and that 99% of people who make the type of post im accusing you of making are pedophiles" is so fucking pathetic and if you fall for it you are a blatant transmisogynist like come the fuck on man.

i am no longer having a nice time on the computer, i am pretty fucking angry. and all this because he "doesnt have much skin in the game" but he doesn't like my stardew valley takes! yeah man real proportionate response.

not to mention the aside he makes to say 'wah wah someone told me to kill myself' amiguito do you have any fucking idea what my inbox has looked like since this entire transmisogynistic harassment campaign began a week ago? i delete those asks because i'm not into flaunting every piece of online abuse i get to make myself look like the victim in computer arguments but it has been constant and graphic! breaking news, women are people too, some of the most cutting-edge research suggests they might even have feelings!

"oh i censored her identity i dont know how she even found it" oh okay so you were anonymously pedojacketing me to your thousands of followers while vaguing about a post i made that had thousands of notes and using the same screenshot that an uncensored version of was passed around with thousands of notes as part of a transmisogynistic harassment campaign last fucking week?

how could anyone possibly have guessed it was me! it's a real mystery man it was basically witness protection. "oh but i didn't know, i didn't know she was trans", maybe he'll also say he didn't know about the harassment campaign, hey fucker, maybe apply some of the constant scrutiny you're reserving for women who are mean about farming game and apply it to yourself and consider looking into these things before baselessly making pedo accusations against someone!

this transmisogynistic crybully shit is absolutely fucking insufferable and i am absolutely sick of it and anyone who buys into it. i'm done assuming good faith or ignorance. i am not going to be a good placid little bullying target and acquiesce to this vile shit. it's truly fucking incredible that a tme guy can be found out as an actual pedophile and guys like mr. belly can immediately jump into action to use this as an opportunity to denounce a trans woman who had one interaction with him ever that consisted of five minutes spent typing an addition to a post and hitting ''reblog''. & if you don't find that sickening then straight up you are not safe for trans women to be around.

[pocket-deer-boy]

i think marcille is so fucking funny. like she's genuinely an incredibly knowledgable mage. she's very dedicated to cleanliness, and keeping her hair long and well-cared for all in the name of being better at magic. she has enough knowledge on magic to dispell a curse even if it's written in a language she doesn't know. but also, without fail, every single time she's confronted with a stressful situation, especially in dealing with monsters, she has a destructive urge that CANNOT be repressed. her first impulse for dealing with any given situation is to blow it the fuck up, or attack it in some way, magic or no magic, she WILL flinch attack you, even if this is the stupidest possible thing to do. She is both so so smart and so so stupid.

[the-s1lly-corner]

Pomni, Gangle, Jax, and Ragatha x Confident/Clueless Reader who both wanders off from the group during adventures, and during any type of conflict like a boss fight they just run into battle like the Leeroy Jenkins meme

Various TADC characters x confident and clueless!reader

I miss old fandom energy sighs. Everyone's way too serious now... I think we'd all heal a little if we drew our faves with the leeroy Jenkins meme

Characters: ragatha, pomni, gangle, jax

Notes: reader is gn, short post, reader is not very bright but they love you anyway

CWs: none

RAGATHA

calls after you, and will run after you the first few times before deciding to stay behind until you learn your lesson of "dont run into weird settings or to the baddies!" but you never really learn... or maybe you think that this time will be different and you can deck the evil wizard threatening to turn you into beans or whatever the hell caines cooked up that specific day

will gently correct you if you attempt to say that you won- you in fact did not win... internally shes kind of just... hmm... but you make up for the stress in normal day to day life that she cant stay mad at you for long

at least she tends to your momentarily bruised ego when the adventure is over... after scolding you

GANGLE

has tried to grab and stop you but because shes so light she gets dragged across the ground as you keep running into danger.... never again- never tries to physically hinder you like that again

cannot bring herself to watch you get hurt like that, will cover her eyes and look away until the thrashing and chaos stops, and even then shes not sure she has the courage to come to your side out of fear that the threat isnt actually over

and when its not a villain npc posing a threat? youve jumped out of moving vehicles before or jumped into ominous voids without giving it much thought

cannot handle the constant anxiety, but shes too soft spoken and pushover-y to speak up about it :(

POMNI

please... dont... shes already trying to get used to the circus and what to expect, and she knows that youll make it through the other side thanks to your digital body... but thats not going to stop her from wincing when the big bad grabs you by the leg and starts flinging you around

your confidence greatly drowns out her lack of it- shes cautious and tries to take things slower to avoid danger, and then theres... you... and you sometimes accidentally drag her along with you... and sometimes not

youre simply trying to help her put herself out there...! even if the outcome isnt the best for the two of you all the time...

will run after you when you bolt into danger, though...

JAX

honestly he thinks its really funny- and he will be encouraging you to go run into every sign of danger in every adventure that has it- cue your belongings and other assorted items rolling and flinging across the screen while youre getting your ass beat

hes... almost impressed with how ballsy you are sometimes, you are the walking definition of fuck around and find out- whether it be for better or worse

will make bets and dares with you to see how far youre willing to go just to go try to get something done.... someone may need to step in to put a stop it to. oddly enough theres no real malice to it, at least after you guys get closer... its mostly morbid curiosity and the confidence of "well you cant die or get hurt in the digital world" talking

[spence-whore]

OMG! imagine a spencer x reader where they are super flirty and the team goes out to the bar and they finally kiss!!!

Late Nights and Long Overdue Conversations

Spencer Agnew x Reader

A/N this is a sort of short one but it’s sweet and simple. i struggle so hard with ranting flirty banter but i also find it so funny because everyone tells me i have a flirty personality. I will be switching back to writing these in the format of using ‘you’ instead of ‘they/them’! I will continue to make these gender fluid friendly for all of my pals though:) also, thank you so much for the support here recently??? I got a notification saying that I reached over 500 likes and that is fucking insane to me. I cannot thank you guys enough for reading these and showing them love<3 i love you guys loads!

Also, remember, I’m ass at editing these. So, overlook the mistakes.

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The week had been beyond stressful for everyone. Everyone was constantly in shoots from 7am-7pm, working nonstop. There were photoshoots going on, video shoots, announcements going up for different kinds of merch, literally everything you could think of. It was finally Friday and a few people from the office decided to go out to this bar, that is near the office. Erin, Chanse, Angela, Courtney, Spencer, Trevor, Arasha, Shayne, and Y/N all stood on a sidewalk, waiting to enter the bar.

“Is she coming or not?” Chanse asked looking around at everyone.

Amanda had agreed to come as well but somehow disappeared before anyone had the chance to talk to her.

“I’m not sure, shoot her a text and ask.” Angela said looking over at Chanse, who stood between Trevor and Shayne.

“Actually, don’t. I just got a text from her.” Courtney said giggling and holding her phone up. “She says, “Have a great night. Sorry for disappearing but I was ready to get home, get my ass in bed in comfortable pjs, drink some wine, and watch this new true crime documentary I found.” She also sent this picture.” Courtney holds up phone up for everyone to see and everyone just laughs and shakes their head at Courtney. It was a photo of Amanda sitting in bed with a huge wine glass, looking like that stereotypical aunt that is the drunk at family get togethers.

“Hey, Y/N. It looks like you don’t have any competition tonight.” Erin mumbled in your direction while elbowing you and wiggling her eyebrows.

“What do you mean?” You ask confused.

Everyone looked in your direction and just chuckled. “Amanda is always going on about how attractive Spencer is. Now, you can take her place for the night and tell him yourself.” Erin said, shrugging her shoulders and stepped into the bar with everyone following.

You just tried to brush her comment off but the end of her sentence really stuck with you. “You can just tell him yourself.” Something about Spencer really is hitting differently tonight. He isn’t wearing a hoodie for once. He was wearing a striped short sleeve with a jean jacket and corduroy pants. He always looks adorable whenever he’s wearing comfortable clothing but he just looks really hot tonight.

Everyone grabbed drinks from the bar then split up. Erin, Chanse, Angela, and Courtney took shots then ran to the dance floor while Shayne, Spencer, Trevor, Arasha, and you grabbed a table over to the side.

“I just realized, I don’t think I have ever seen you drunk before, Y/N.” Arasha said while watching you take a sip of your margarita. “You’re like the shy, reserved type.”

You laughed for a second and shook your head, “That’s a good thing though. I’m a hot mess whenever I’m drunk.”

Spencer immediately jumps into the conversation, “You’re always a hot mess.” He stopped for a minute and just stared at you. “That was supposed to be a compliment or like, you know, calling you hot. I realize though that it comes off as an insult.”

Everyone, including you, lost it over Spencer sticking his foot in his mouth. “I didn’t take it rudely. I guess I know what you mean.” You snorted and took another sip of your margarita. “You’re a hot mess yourself.”

Shayne, Trevor, and Arasha got into their own little conversation, so Spencer turned a little to face you. “I’m shocked you aren’t over there with Erin and Courtney. I’ve noticed in the past you’re always glued to their sides whenever we’ve gone out.”

“As Erin said, I gotta be right here, making sure to constantly just remind you how hot you are.” You said nonchalantly and taking a drink while trying to not smile.

Spencer’s face got red but you didn’t comment on it, you just found it kind of odd. “I mean, I definitely am not complaining if it’s coming from you.”

There was some kind of weird tension in the air between the two of you but you didn’t think twice about it. You were both a little tipsy, so it was probably just the drinks.. right?

You could hear feet come running up beside you and felt hands on your bicep. “Y/N, you have to walk outside with me, Angela, and Erin. We need fresh air but we don’t want to walk outside alooooone.” Courtney whine from beside you.

You just laughed and stood up. “Well, Mr. Agnew, sorry to cut our conversation short but it looks like I have to go for a minute.”

Spencer looks at you dead serious and in the chosen voice says, “I hate to watch you go but love to watch you leave.”

Courtney started giggling like crazy and started pulling you towards to door to walk outside, where Angela and Erin were standing. The four of you walk outside and sit on these two benches that were off to the side of the building.

“So, what was that in there?” Erin asked giving you a suggestive look.

You looked at the group confused. “What was what?”

“Y/N, don’t act dumb dude.” Angela said then chuckled loudly. “You know exactly what she’s talking about.”

“I was just having a conversation with Spencer.” You said looking around and avoiding their looks.

“I was just having a conversation with Spencer.” Courtney said in a mocking tone, “You looked like you were practically drooling over him and he was staring at you hard.”

You sat in silence for a minute debating on to comment on it or not but then decided fuck it, the guys aren’t around. This is your opportunity to just talk about it.

“Okay, I might have some feelings for him.” You mumbled covering your face, “I don’t want to talk about it thought because I know he doesn’t feel the same.” You got up from the bench and started pacing.

“What do you mean he doesn’t feel like the same?” Erin asked and was looking at you as if you had two heads.

You stopped in front of the bench, facing the three in front of you. “He totally doesn’t feel the same. He only sees me as a friend.” You paused for a second again before deciding to just spill it all. “Guys, I have it fucking bad. Anytime I come into work, I’m always so excited to just talk to him. I feel like a little schoolgirl with a crush. I always want to be around him. He makes me feel so safe and never makes me feel stupid whenever I go on my hyper-fixation rambles. He’s just so fucking attractive, it gets under my skin. His stupid curly hair that I just want to run my fingers through. Don’t even get me started on his hugs. Anytime he has given me a hug, I just want to stand there in his arms forever. He always smells so good too. I know there’s a running bit that he smells like death sometimes but he has never smelt bad. Oh my god and don’t even get me started on..” You quit rambling realizing all three of the women in front of you look like they’re about to throw up and that’s whenever you feel like there’s someone standing right behind you.

“He’s right behind me, isn’t he?” You asked, quoting the meme.

“Uh, let’s walk in guys. I’m getting a bit cold.” Erin said standing up alongside Courtney and Angela.

You slowly turned around to face Spencer. “Heeeeey.” You said in defeat and just flopped down on the bench.

“Hey, sorry. If I knew you were confessing your undying love for someone, I would’ve just waited before coming over here.” Spencer said while shrugging his shoulders and sitting down beside you.

“Ha ha, very funny.” You responded glaring at the guy beside you. “You don’t have to act like you don’t know that I was talking about you.”

Spencer looked at you shocked for a minute then just laughed, “Wait, so your whole little confession thing was about me?”

“What all did you hear?” You asked putting your head in your hands.

“I’m not gonna lie, I did figure out it was me whenever you mentioned my ‘curly hair’ and the running bit that Shayne and Amanda joke about on the podcast, about me smelling like death.” He says sinking down a little in his bench.

You turned a little in the bench to face him and just started rambling, “I’m so sorry if it made you uncomfortable. I completely understand if you don’t want to be friends anymore or be around me. Erin just asked me and I just broke and started talking about all of the things-“

Spencer cut you off, “I don’t want to be friends anymore.”

You could feel your heart sinking and you immediately got sick to your stomach till you noticed the smile on his face.

You couldn’t focus on what he was saying because all you could think about is why is he smiling? He hates you now, doesn’t he? He’s never going to trust you again. Your thoughts were cut off by something warm on your face and that’s whenever you snapped out of it. You come to it and realize Spencer has his palms, holding your face.

“You didn’t hear one word I just said, did you?” Spencer asked laughing at you and squishing your face a little in the process.

You shook your head no slowly since his hands were holding your face.

He didn’t say anything. He just leaned forward and pressed his lips on yours. It was like everything froze in that moment.

It took a moment for you to process what had just happened before you leaned forward again and kissed him again quickly.

“Wait, so you do feel the same way?” You asked, staring at Spencer like a child who just found out they were going to Disney World.

“No, I just kiss my friends after they confess their feelings. Of course I do, you dork. We can talk all of this out tomorrow whenever we’re sober alright. Let’s just head back inside and get plastered. Deal?” Spencer said while standing up and offering you his hand.

“Deal, it is quite cold out here.” You responded taking his hand.

He let go of your hand for a moment to take his jean jacket off. He holds his jean jacket out to you and gets this shit eating grin on his face.

“Here, you can wear this. I was getting kind of hot anyways. You can smell it all night since you apparently like to be a little weirdo and smell me.” He says trying to not laugh.

“That’s not what I meant!” You got defensive and tried to explain yourself before you noticed Spencer was silently laughing to himself.

“I was teasing you. Now, let’s head back inside and get bullied by everyone for finally not being wimps and admitting our feelings.”

[annoyinglandmagazine]

So I did Classical Studies in secondary school which was a fairly obscure subject, there were only nine of us in the class and we were all super into it.

Just for context here I’m talking about the class I was in from first to third year, between the ages of 13 and 16 for people with different education systems. We read the Iliad as part of course and it was really dense and when I tell you none of us could hear the word simile today without flashbacks to notating pages after pages of Homer comparing the way people walked to lions……

Anyway, it was a nightmare to read but we loved it.

We came out of those three years having forgotten most of the history of the Roman Empire but we all knew that Paris was a little bitch good for nothing but his looks, Achilles and Patroclus were definitely gay, Achilles was also a little bitch but we love him for it, Hector and Andromache deserved better and, most importantly, Agamemnon was a complete and utter douchebag who deserved everything he got and Clytemnestra was absolutely right to stab him to death in a bathtub, seriously fuck that guy.

We were so invested in this subject that we finished the curriculum early two years in a row and each year our teacher decided that we could put on a play related to the subject to fill out the last two months or so.

Naturally we settled on Troy Story 1 and Troy Story 2 detailing the Birth of Paris through to Achilles returning Hector’s body to Priam in two 40 minute instalments.

Absolutely no one of the forty people who wandered in by accident to witness our work of art understood a single second of what was going on or why we were all restrained laughter at what was basically eighty minutes of obscure classics in jokes. It was glorious. I recently found the script and I wanted to share the chaos.

Highlights included:

Jesse’s Girl playing over Helen and Paris’ introduction while she’s married to Menelaus.

So much unnecessary use of the word bro. Just so much.

Zeus and Hera narrating while passive aggressively bickering for every second of it. The gods constantly saying ‘do you want to get involved in some human drama’ to rope each other in

The extreme dramatic build up to the use of the word dog

Agamemnon speaks like a frat boy the whole time, like the biggest douche ever.

Achilles lifting Hectors body and dragging it around in slo mo while we are the champions plays

Achilles watching the war from his blanket burrito while eating popcorn out of his helmet

The shepherd who found Paris on a mountainside holding him up while the Lion King music played over it

Achilles’ trashy blonde wig. I cannot stress enough how trashy and blonde this wig was. Also Achilles was deliberately cast as the shortest girl in the class (5’ 3).

Odysseus and Diomedes night mission had mission impossible music playing over it as we parkoured across the stage and peaked out behind curtains. They also have dialogue in which they constantly want to stab something

Paris never appears in the sequel but is dissed constantly

We couldn’t do any actual Patrochilles cause Catholic school but we settled for prolonged eye contact to My Heart Will Go On and long pauses after dramatic references to My Closest Companion

Achilles: I need my best bro friend! My life soulmate! My favourite cook!

Achilles in the tent with headphones on listening to All By Myself with mascara streaming down his face after Patroclus died

The facts that Agamemnon killed his daughter and Zeus and Hera are siblings is constantly just kind of dropped in with no context

Everyone’s costumes were mostly just lab coats tied over our shoulders with shared armour from the one girl that apparently had a closet full of Ancient Greek style plastic swords, helmets and breastplates.

We spent an entire class making a giant pink tv frame out of cardboard, paper and way too much sellotape for one joke that wasn’t even that funny. We named it Daniel.

Briseis was an American Girl doll.

The gods yelling at each other to try and pick teams and resulting in a slap fight with an announcement that it lasted 3 hours.

Thetis yelling encouragement from the side lines and calling Achilles her little crib lizard for some reason also she’s reading Song of Achilles in one of her scenes

[maythedreadwolftakeyou]

I've never played a Veil Jumper but like are you guys okay do you need me to file a report with HR or something lol what did Strife do/say to you guys

cannot stress enough how unhappy this man is to discover you're not only back in town, but Involved In Some More Bullshit. and he strongly implies it's all your fault Elgar'nan and Gilan'nain are out now AND why Arlathan is falling apart AND these are just more reasons why you're a disappointment to him specifically 😞

here's the convo... the only option you can pick that addresses your history/backstory with them is the confrontational one which i guess says a lot about their relationship lol

the Veiljumper backstory is you were out with others in Arlathan, and responsible for a map to a site with lots of ancient elven artifacts. however suddenly everyone else was in Mortal Peril and you save them but lose the map. he gets mad at you for putting lives ahead of the artifacts and kicks you out for a while.

mind you. when you first go to Arlathan and find the Veiljumpers, they are running from an ancient elven construct, which Irelin is trying to control with another piece of technology. when she can't get it working in time and the construct is going to behead everyone Strife sticks his sword through the device to shut the construct down SO LIKE HE DID THE EXACT SAME THING HES SOOOOO MAD AT ME FOR 😭 and also takes a moment to comfort Irelin but all Rook gets is indifference at best or contempt at worst

like. some resentment. SOME resentment 😂 to be clear i both 1. still like Strife a lot esp from his pre-game media (short story/podcast) and 2. do think this is VERY VERY FUNNY. As much as I enjoy Viago pretending he doesn't very much care about my Rook de Riva, I think it is an absolutely HILARIOUS choice to have factions where the leader straight up doesn't like you. i wish the game would let me argue with Strife MORE. i wish we could bicker every time i go back to camp. it would be so fucking funny. as is i think him mostly ignoring you like... works, but in terms of actually playing, mostly just felt bland/like a writing weakness vs a character choice. closing my eyes and headcanoning about it instead.

however this is also why i think my Rook managed to weather Lucanis not responding to her flirting. if you want her to leave you alone you have to be straight up hostile. in comparison to Strife, anyone NOT yelling at her was a welcome improvement i guess 😂

[kerubimcrepin]

LIVEBLOG: Wakfu Season 4, Episode 13 [PART 1]

I wonder what Joris's opinion on Tristepin abandoning post is. It'e either "thank god I don't have two Iops to wrangle" or "well at least the the one that's less likely to be killed is here" or "FOR FUCK'S SAKE NOT THIS FUCKING GUY"

Stealth mission with an iop by your side sounds like a whole new type of hell on earth.

It's very brief, but at this moment (5:50 in the episode), we can see Joris and Goultard going up the stairs.

The demons in my head are, once again, telling me to keep screenshotting him.

Trying to get her out is a pretty delicate balance, considering his strength. Joris is probably quite aware of the possibility that he might accdentally hurt her.

There's no fucking way Joris doesn't want Goultard to die a gruesome, violent death.

He's imagining Goultard's face instead of the rock... Seething and malding in silence.

GET SCARED.

DIDN'T EVEN HAVE THE TIME TO DODGE. HEHEHEHE

at least he's a good teammate, when he's not calling Joris slurs as a joke.

Not him looking down at them. BITCH WORK!!

Once again, I am compelled to take screenshots. It cannot be helped.

I will be honest, the sudden influx of content where Joris and Goultard are portrayed as friends — like drinking together, or going on missions together — in the fandom has been very weird, because I think what became very clear in this season is that Goultard is an iop who treats people in an iop way (for iops it's just normal to roughouse each other) while Joris is a man who has been infantilized for 600 years, doesn't want to be friends with anyone except people who never question his intelligence (like Yugo and Amaliaa), and wants to kill himself whenever his height is pointed out. and also has 2 drinking buddies already (who shower him in praise at how righteous and heroic and smart he is).

Literally fundamentally incompatible personalities. Joris can barely stand to be here, and the only thing uniting them is "we're immortal and don't want the world to end". If he could, Joris would slip rat poison into whatever Goultard is eating or drinking — because he knows that while it will not kill him, it will make him feel Bad. 😭

Maybe I'm weird, but I don't really like it when characters' discomfort of being treated cruelly is taken as something cute or funny or a Friendship thing...

(Attention: I am not bashing anyone, but expressing my personal opinion)

DFGJSDFKLGHSDKJFGHDSFKJG

you can tell that Joris is not having a good time. he's at his fucking limit. first he let loose with a "if you only knew :) how many people :) have degraded me the same way :) for all my life :)" and now an explicit "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!"

I really do think he's imagining Goultard's head here.

:)

As someone insane enough to have drawn maaany comparisons between Nora&Efrim and Joris this season, I think he has a soft spot for her by now. She's been through a lot...

And I think Joris understands what it's like, to feel guilty, because of something horrible happening — even if it's not necessarily your fault; besides that, I think they both have very closely matched temperaments — they're both introspective and a bit embittered.

In a kinder universe, Nora and Joris could have been besties. And Nora could have gone to his house for tea. The two of them could probably speak very quietly to one another about some interesting, sad things.

And then Kerubim could have a post-divorce stress disorder-related heart palpitations due to seeing a pink haired woman IRL inside his house unannounced.

Basically, I NEED NORA&JORIS FRIENDSHIP FANART HI?!

Basically: I have crazy levels of brainworms about this (and about Eva trying to sacrifice herself for her family, but there are so many screenshots in this post already...)

Of COURSE he'd stand guard for her.

I'm fucking CRAZY and INSANE.

HIS SMILE HERE!! HE'S SO PROUD OF HER!!! HE BELIEVES IN HER!!!!!!

[zabala0z]

….its been a hot sec. But welcome back to “new fan listens to TMA S5, mostly blind!” In ur host, the “new fan” quote en quote.

MAG 175: Epoch

Ooo. Yeah this hits pretty hard in this day and age. I think The Extinction is high on my ranking of “which entities would fuck me up the most”. I think anon can’t process everything. I also think it’s funny he can’t answer most stuff despite being Y’know google. I guess it’s hard.

MAG 176: Blood Ties

FUCKING TREVOR??? I thought he died the moment Not-Sasha went after him and Julia. I guess he’s dead now.

Poor Martin. Bro just wants to be in the loop of things but that doesn’t matter because BASIRAAAA. I never thought I’d be so happy to hear that voice.

It’s so interesting that she’s still chasing after Daisy. Is she some avatar of The Hunt? They never say it but istg, Basira has these obsessive tendencies that scream The Hunt. I’m just obsessed. With her.

Sounds like Daisy is a wolf now. Go fursona

MAG 177: Wonderland

So I’ve heard this episode thrown around vaguely and heard about Dr David, who was sone gaslighting doctor but I never really paid attention. But guys holy shit I cannot stress to you all enough on how terrified I was. I was circling my kitchen island and grabbing water every 10 seconds. Something about this freaked me out. The second-person, the way Dr David belittled and threatened and his cherry attitude I hated it. I was shrieking.

But also Helen!!!! <33 I wonder what’s her game, offering Basira a one-way ride to Daisy. It certainly wasn’t out of the kindness of her own heart. Did she want to trap Basira maybe in her hallways? Or did she know Basira would decline and wanted to sow a little seed of distrust in the now trio. I wonder why Basira declined. I thought she would totally abandon Jon and Martin. Either way, crazy episode.

MAG 178: The Processing Line

Oh this was depressing. I liked how Martin and Basira made Jon go into the tool closet, I thought that was funny. But damn…Tyler :(((

I also think it’s crazy that people were just…created. The entities can do that?? Just make life?? Or reflections or whatever. Is there no limit? Sorry for all these rhetorical questions, I just have many of them

Also! At one point, Basira asked who is in charge here and Jon said, “Not anyone you’re familiar with. We won’t be meeting them.” And “he’s in the, uh… Main Processing Room.” So now I’m thinking about who could it be. There was a statement about a guy who worked at a slaughterhouse (MAG 30) and Tom Hann was always a big name for The Flesh. I can’t remember if he died though. If he didn’t, then he could be in charge of this factory. I’m just theorizing though.

Okay. That’s everything. Uhhhhhh I have been really not listening but it’s not that I lost interest. I’ve been so busy and this season is just a lot. But thanks for reading my rambles

[terramythos]

Its very funny for me to recall this but I used to be HEAVILY into neopets. back in the day people with really nicely named or painted pets would put them 'up for adoption' and require like, custom web page applications for them. Maybe people still do this, idk, but this was before you could legally 'trade' pets on the site.

I knew this lady who had some really great names (like common real words with fantasy undertones) on her pets and we were both frequent posters on the same off-site neopets forum. She was in her 30s and I was like 14 and we both were aware of this. Anyway she put one pet up for adoption and her requirements were insane, like it required huge writing samples and personal art of the pet and custom CSS coding for the app page and stuff like that to prove they really wanted the pet.

She asked me for feedback and I made an offhand comment that that kind of standard was a little ridiculous for a virtual pet on a kids website. We'd chatted before so I didn't expect a negative reaction, and like she'd asked ME for help so I was honest with her.

Anyway she completely flipped out at me. She started to leave angry or sarcastic comments on any post I made on the off-site forum for the next year or so. If she saw me post on the official Neopets chat boards she'd do the same thing. She led this campaign against me and insulted me to any mutual friends. She was fairly well known on the forum (I was too) so whenever she did special projects or anything she explicitly banned me from participating in any of them.

It was totally insane, she knew I was a young teenager and this was a full ass adult woman twice my age (and I have reason to believe she was truthful about her age-- she made a pretty sophisticated neopets fan site that required some professional understanding). I cannot stress enough this was for a minor negative comment on something that didn't matter on CHILDRENS WEBSITE NEOPETS DOT COM. This had to be mid/late 2000s by my reckoning.

After I'd moved on from the forum a couple years later and played Neopets less frequently she would STILL angrily comment on whatever Neoboard comments she happened to see me make. Like she did this for years. I don't think it was direct stalking because it was fairly random when it happened. I just ignored it.

She never even adopted out the pet, pretty sure what apps she received didn't follow the insane rules EXACTLY so she disqualified all of them

Now that I'm in my 30s I literally cannot imagine being that angry at a teenager. It's extremely funny what a loser she was. Like it was so beyond the pale it sounds like I made it up or am exaggerating. except I remember how upset I was being targeted and bullied by an adult for fucking years. I literally don't give a shit about it now but like I have to wonder how this woman copes with everyday life to have this level of obsessive hate for years over something a teenager said to her. Online. About a virual pet. So fucking bizarre, I have to wonder if she targeted others

[casanovawrites]

random sentence prompts  ━ from various tv shows, part 20

i will leave you to squander your future in peace.

i wish you would’ve let me help you. 

look at you. you’re afraid.

we never actually cheated death. it was always an even trade.

just relax. i’m right here with you. you see?

i don’t know how i’m going to survive this place without them.

my pain is not for sale.

you know how you get when things get personal.

i guess i’m just trying to figure out what it all meant.

nothing ever changes here.

you have to push the doubt away, because the second you let it in, it’s like a virus. it will eat you alive.

mutually assured destruction can be devastatingly effective.

you’re good for nothing other than fucking up my life.

only you would think “nice” is a strategy. 

what’s the policy on me telling you how infuriatingly gorgeous you are right now?

i appreciate that secrecy is your love language.

i’m just calling to say fuck you, actually.

i don’t deserve you, you know. 

we don’t have any more time. mine was always borrowed.

you’re gonna have to survive on instincts. stick with me, or you’re on your own.

i don’t let myself want things i can’t have.

she’s so fucking rude to me that it turns me on.

you’re in my head. you are in here all the fucking time.

say more about this me-being-right idea.

good game. you fucking loser.

it’s fine. i’ll be the bad guy. i’m used to it.

you can’t dwell on it. that’ll tear you apart.

you create your own problems. you stir the pot just to feel alive.

i think you want your life to explode. it’s fun for you. it lights you up. you want to burn it all down just so you can watch.

everything with teeth bites. everything will defend itself.

when you know someone long enough, you do start to see certain patterns.

i think you’re brave. and funny. and kind of scary.

sometimes it’s hard to show love the way you want to.

you’re either a friend or you’re not.

people care about you. all you have to do is ask.

lucky? we don’t get to be lucky.

i don’t give a shit anymore. it’s the right thing to do, and i’m doing it.

i want whatever’s going on between us to get better. deeper.

do you want to go into the dark, scary woods unarmed?

did you ever think we’d be in our own, real life horror movie?

sometimes giving people hell is the only way to get what you want.

you don’t value me. you fear me.

i waste so much energy trying to make you feel better about yourself.

if i’m not a success, then i’m nothing. and i cannot handle being nothing.

me caring about you must be so inconvenient.

sorry. that’s not funny. i make bad jokes when i’m stressed.

the things my family cares about, i just don’t. 

hooking up with you would be an empty experience.

you got the impulse control of a toddler. you know that?

you’ve been nice. now be smart.

why is this betrayal so chaste?

you light up a room, and then you like, shit on everything inside of it.

i just wanted to feel close to you. i thought you wanted that too. 

underneath anger, there is always a sadness.

okay, yeah, fuck you, you don’t know everything. 

this whole thing just turned to shit, like it always does.

you don’t trust anyone but yourself. 

i sometimes wonder if you’re just not happy.

i wish we could really be together. like, all the time.

i’m not particularly interested in dying with fuck all to show for it.

i just got excited about doing something good with all the mistakes i’ve made.

sometimes the most persuasive argument is saying nothing at all.

what happens to us? do we just break up?

that really hurt me. i didn’t deserve that.

when i’m mad, i don’t listen well, and right now, i’m really mad.

sometimes being a lot is the only way to get shit done.

you don’t have to guess what i want. trust me, i know exactly what i want from you.

turns out being friends with benefits is way better when you’re not even friends.

i like this side of you. it’s scary.

you can’t live your life trying to do everything perfectly.

you lack substance. you’re empty.

what would you do if the person who is supposed to protect you is the one who hurt you?

every day you wake up and you find a new way to hurt me.

i was never trying to be a bad mom. i just was.

uncomfortable silences make me uncomfortable.

i know when you look at me, you don’t see someone you should be afraid of, but you’re wrong.

we’re not leaving it up to chance this this time.

you don’t have to take any unnecessary risks.

you’ve been here before. it can be different this time.

you’re so afraid of your own potential, you self sabotage.

you told me what i wanted to hear, and i was dumb enough to believe it.

[pupyuj]

wait why was the soft yujin ask actually so cute i neeeeeed to hear about soft dom ive always taking care of their gf in bed

this is a bit long cuz i included aftercare along w the sex so 😚😚 i went through several breakdowns writing this i love my girls.. my scrunklies.. my sillies...

gaeul is a service top IDCCCC 😤😩 maybe it's the unnie in her that just makes her want to prioritize your pleasure over her own,, esp if she gets way too busy to be with you :(( going from weeks to sometimes months without her bcs her schedule gets so packed, she feels so guilty about it as if it was her fault 😔 even when you reassure her that neither of you can do anything about it bcs she loves her job and you support her no matter what! and bcs of your never-ending support for her, she repays you by fucking you nice and well,,, she's kissing you everywhere, whispering how much she loves you, hits all of the spots that she knows feel good, and makes you come a lot but not too much so that you're not overstimulated and exhausted 🥺

aftercare consists of romcom movies, lots of forehead kisses, and cuddles! gaeul is small, yes but she insists on being the big spoon cuz it makes her feel like she's keeping you safe n protected, and that's really all she wants! 🥺

yujin knows alllll about love and care ofc! sure, most of the time, she's energetic and literally fucks you like she won't get to do it ever again but other times, she can be super gentle 🥺🥺 the pup showers you with praises while she's fingering you, says things like: "my baby's so pretty" and "doing so well for me, good girl" like she just wants to make you feel appreciated and special 😩 sometimes she fears that you think she's only with you for the sex, bcs the two of you do fuck a lot and it's very intense too but she wants you to know that she's with you bcs she loves you, so yeah she talks a lot during these times 😭 but her voice, her praises, and her kisses keep you from getting lost in pleasure bcs even when she's all soft and sentimental she still fucks you so good like holy shit this girl just knows you so well 🫠🫠

aftercare is yujinnie wrapping all of her limbs around you and keeping you close 😭😭 but ofc she's careful not to like, crush you or suffocate you sjdbfjosf she's threading your hair with her fingers, patting your back softly as a means to lull you to sleep.. she makes jokes too?? 😭 like maybe the two of you have gone silent but not asleep so she'll just say something funny and you'll burst out laughing,,, yujin loves your smile sm, she wants you to be happy foreverrrr 🥲

rei is always soft with you, she's a love maker dammit 😔 takes care of you like you're made of glass but that doesn't mean she's vanilla or anything . she knows how to fuck you, she just doesn't like to overwhelm you with it!! she's always asking if you're doing okay, if anything hurts, if you want her to stop or keep going . and tbh she's giving service top too, she's always aiming to make you feel good cuz ur her baby!! like, she also asks if you want her to go faster if it was what you wanted 🥺 and she warns you if she decides to fuck you harder.. saying it like: "it's going to hurt a little bit, baby... is that okay?" i cannot stress this enough SHE SO FUCKING CARESSS 😭😭😭😭 if you're feeling particularly needy on a certain day, you will literally have to assure rei several times that you won't complain if she just fucks you out of your mind bcs you want it, but she's so afraid of breaking you :((( but when you do give her the go... she can have you seeing the stars 😵‍💫

aftercare is reibear cuddling you from behind while holding hands 🥺 and she kisses your shoulder a lot, as well as the hand that's holding hers ☺️☺️ trust that the aftercare will last until the next morning sjfbfkf like rei's giving you breakfast in bed, combing your messy hair, and offering to help you in the bathroom SHE'S JUST.. SHE'S VERY GIRLFRIEND OKAY 🥹💔

wonyoung is very sub top to me, shes baby 🥺🥺 like she can fuck! she can fuck real good, but she's so in love with you that she just... she folds no matter what 😩 holding both of your hands while she's fucking you with a strap, leaning down and kissing you, and she talks a lot too!! always asking for permission and like, approval ... "does it feel good, unnie?", "am i doing good, unnie?", "are you gonna come yet, unnie? yes?", "can i go faster, please? i want to hear you" omggg kfkjnfdjdsjdfj 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 baby definitely comes with you because seeing you fall apart and hearing the noises she brought out of you is really enough for her 🫠 but she keeps going . she continues on fucking you bcs she so wants to satisfy you, and in a way, she's satisfying herself too bcs if you're feeling great, she'll feel amazing 😩🫣

aftercare is just,, being held close to wony's heart 🥺 she has you laying on top of her, your head resting on her chest, falling asleep to her heartbeat and the random shapes she traces on your back with her fingers... says 'i love you' even when you're sleeping, kissing the top of your head, and getting lost in her head thinking about how much she really appreciates and loves you like my girl is LOVESICKKKK GET UP!!! 😩

unpopular opinion but liz is just as eager as a certain puppy when fucking you i will not be told otherwise!! she just loves feeling your warm cunt around her fingers and even better on her tongue!!! but lizzy understands that sometimes you get tired and just want to go about things slower... and she gets soooo emotional???? like she's fucking you and suddenly, she has a whole speech about how beautiful you are to her and it's just :((( SHE LOVES YOU OKAY . SHE WANTS YOU TO FEEL PRETTY BCS UR HER PRETTY GIRL!! <///3 liz loves to spoil you with compliments, she really does 😔 she tells you that every single part of you is so ethereal to her :( from your eyes, to your nose, your lips, every little scar, and even the parts of you that you think aren't worth acknowledging or complimenting but they are to liz bcs you're genuinely so perfect in her eyes 🥲🥲💓

aftercare is lizzy humming a lullaby to help you fall asleep 😩😩 she likes staring at you too, but ofc not in a creepy edward cullen way but in an oh-my-god-she's-so-down-bad way she needs help getting up too‼️‼️

[icanseethefuture333]

Can I have an post about NCT Mark's reputation in the industry or his ideal type? P.S You're legit look like a 90s superstar💌💖💖 don't be shy and drop your skincare routine please 🙏

WHY ARE NCTZENS BEING SO NICE TO MEEEE, THIS IS LIKE THE 2ND COMPLIMENT I'VE GOTTEN THANK YOUUU 😭💚 Ofc since we did TY Track I don't see why I can't do one for Mark 🦁

Mark from NCT's ideal type:

Qualities

I channeled: "Hmm... What do I like in a partner?" I think Mark hasn't really thought about what important qualities a partner should have and more so has thoughts about appearance or personality.

Mark would be interested in someone similar to him or someone with similar values, habits, or behavior as him, but with a more elevated mindset.

He could want to do date someone who is also a musician or a writer. I feel like Mark is curious about the twin flame dynamic? He could want to feel a connection with someone on a deeper level. Telepathy? Mark is wanting a partner who could read his mind and emotions so that way he doesn't always have to explain himself. Someone who is very aware and observant. A partner that eases his anxiety or relieves him of his everyday stress. He could also like if his partner was more optimistic and looked on the bright side of things because Mark can have a more "realistic" outlook on life.

Personality

I'm ngl... Mark has a toxic taste in partners LMAO 💀 I just feel that he wants someone who keeps him on his toes and he hates predictability. Like if his partner was too "normal" or too "stable", he's gonna hate that, he's gonna feel like he's the partner with the issues, so he wants someone that can be as imperfect as him. "It's more fun that way, no?"

I'm laughing pls 😭- "I'm not saying I want my heart broken, but if she's bad then she can take it [his heart]."

Mark really does not give a fuck 😂 (btw this is the first reading I've done for a celebrity where I cannot stop giggling??? He's so funny). He also wants someone who would like call him out on his bullshit. Mark doesn't want someone who's submissive or a pushover, "😁Feistyyy." It's giving: "I love the kind of woman that will actually just kill me"

Intuitively, I feel like Mark also has a lot of insecurity in his relationships as well. The partners who are healthier for him, he feels like he's not good enough for them, so instead he dates partners who are often unstable. It's okay to date someone who's more outspoken and dominant, but it seems like he's constantly attracted to partners who are too controlling towards him.

Physical traits

"Honestly I have a type. I'm not the tallest so I don't wanna date anyone who's like too tall but I don't mind the height too much. I like hair, the people I've dated their hair is pretty long and if they have short hair, it's gotta be like fluffy (voluminous is the word he was looking for)." Channeled songs: Trap Queen, 679, & Again by Fetty Wap

"I'm like "Hey, what's up? Hello" (Ayy)

Seen yo pretty ass soon as you came in the door

I just wanna chill, got a sack for us to roll

Married to the money, introduced her to my stove

Showed her how to whip it, now she remixin' for low

She my trap queen, let her hit the bando

We be countin' up, watch how far them bands go"

"Baby girl, you're so damn fine, though

I'm tryna know if I could hit it from behind, though

I'm sipping on you like some fine wine, though

And when it's over, I press rewind though, ayy

You talking bands, girl, I got it

Benjamins all in my pocket

I traded in my Trues for some Robins

He playing Batman, Fetty's gon' rob him, ayy

I got a Glock in my 'Rari, ayy

17 shots, no .38"

"I want you to be mine again, baby, ayy

I know my lifestyle is driving you crazy, ayy

But I cannot see myself without you

We call them fans, though, girl, you know how we do

I go out of my way to please you

I go out of the way to see you

I ain't playing no games, I need you"

Oh he's a giverrr 😝. Mark wants for his partner to look good, so he'd go out of his way to pamper them and spoil them. Like "oh baby you want your nails done? I got youuu 😌". He likes to show off his partner. I heard "I want that Beyoncé and Jay Z love." (😭💀 Mark go sit tf down please). I love the energy tho fr.

He's mentioned girls a lot + all 4 cards are women, so he has a obvious preference towards the female gender.

Long hair

Thick, voluminous hair

All hair textures (straight, wavy, curly, etc).

Varies from pale, medium, deep, or brown skin tones.

Girls with a "mean" expression or resting bitch face (🤨😠😒)

Feline beauty

Arched eyebrows

Horizontally wider eyes

Prominent features (big nose and big lips)

Likes lipstick or lip gloss ("Juicy lips")

Someone who plays hard to get (as in a tsundere, basically acts like they don't want him but secretly does)

Shoulders and collarbones

Pretty hands

Nice ass

Likes jewelry? Rings and earrings to be specific.

Something about fabrics is coming up, so Mark could like when women wear flowy dresses or like those sheer beach cover ups.

Instagram baddie style is very apparent here.

Soft glam makeup (U.K? Black London baddie makeup. Latina makeup coming up as well.)

Mixes luxury with casual

Long acrylic nails

High heels

Painted toes

I am being reminded of that song that goes "Ion want no barbie, I want me a bratz doll "

Bratz doll type of beauty

Celebrities/influencers who are similar to his ideal type:

Juliana Nalu, Ashley Nicole King, Kali Uchís, Camo, Jordyn Woods, Yarastargal, Mia Owens, lisajn37, amandaa_solis, Cindy Kimberly, asiaeros, bbv_g6rl, 200120_01, & bybrokelle